Tag Archive for: Parenting

How to Raise Kids to Research Like a Pro

If you hang around parents long enough you’ll find that there are certain “mommy moments” that we moms all share. Kid running down the street naked? Check (mostly for boy moms…). An embarrassing family secret shared with the entire elevator by your darling little chatterbox? You betcha.

 

And it’s practically a Christian mom rite-of-passage that just when we’re about to switch out the light, your little Einstein suddenly goes final-jeopardy-mode with some obscure theological concept. Sure it’s probably a stalling technique, but one of the blessings we have as moms is pointing them back to the truth of Christ, even as we wrestle them into bed.

The thing is, just giving answers is not enough. Someday they’re going to get hit with a challenge and we aren’t going to be there to help. That’s why a vital part of healthy discipleship is equipping our children with the skills to navigate tough questions on their own.

Fair warning, this isn’t a skill that’s learned by letting them go nuts on the family tablet. Depending on the topic they’re looking up, things can go south quickly. That’s why we at Mama Bear love to help you foster the little question-askers in your lives.

First, before we dive in, if you haven’t read Alexa’s blog How to Respond When Your Child Stumps You with a Question, check it out. We, but the flip side of that coin is preparing our kids to not only know how to research, but to research well. (Because the internet will let anyone with a computer create their own blog! We’re looking at you, flat-earthers 😜)

Second, you’re going to have to adjust these to the age and stage of your child. Bigger kids can and should engage with heavier topics. The littles of the group are going to operate in the “observer” role in the beginning, but give them opportunities to practice these skills with increasing regularity under your guidance.

Ready? Let’s take a look at 5 tips to help your child be an information sleuth!

Tip #1 Research takes time

We live in an Instacart culture. With a few clicks we can have the world delivered to our doorstep. The problem with this luxury of convenience is it’s caused our patience and attention spans to atrophy. Often this means that if the answer to our kid’s question isn’t in the tagline of the first Google article, they just give up and move on. (Like the other night… during our homework session…*face palm*)

Our kids need to know that good research involves more than watching a YouTube short; it takes time, effort, and these crazy things called books. This skill is best passed-on by modeling first, especially when they’re little.

When your child asks a question, instead of immediately popping off with the answer, say, “That’s a great question! How do you think we can research this?” #mamabearapologetics #discipleshipClick To Tweet

When they shrug their shoulders, show them how to look up their question on multiple sources: digital and physical. Show them how to navigate popular websites like Got Questions. Grab a few books off your shelf and show them how to use an index (one you could practice with is our latest book Honest Prayers for Mama Bears). And don’t forget to point out the glorious footnotes. Seriously folks, I may sound like your high school librarian, but footnotes are worth their weight in gold! Don’t let your kid miss them!

This training might sound old-fashioned, but it causes our kids to pause and process what they’ve just heard, rather than falling for the nonsensical appeals of impassioned media starlets. So yes, it’s worth the effort.

Tip #2 Find Trusted Christian Sources

No surprises here, but when it comes to seeking answers to biblical questions, we should head to Scripture first. Translations like Life Application Study Bibles, Apologetics Bibles, and Cultural Background Study Bibles, which contain translator and commentary notes, are beyond helpful in these situations. There are also great ministries that have blogs, podcasts, and articles that address the most common questions believers have. (Check out our updated Recommended Resources Guide.)

But not everything that sports the title of “Christian” is solid. (There are supposed “Christian” witches, after all!) Teach your children to “test” their sources by looking at the background of the ministry. Is this organization tested, proven, transparent, and/or backed by leading philosophers, experts, and apologists? Is what’s being said supported in Scripture? Are disagreements over conclusions given charitably and with evidence? Are those behind the ministry trained, and if so, by whom?

Remember: degrees are nice but that doesn’t mean the person holding them will always speak truth. Which is why we test everything, including our pastors and favorite authors. #mamabearapologeticsClick To Tweet

Tip #3 Read Original Sources

A few days ago, I was reading the outraged opinion of a writer who couldn’t believe that NFL kicker Harrison Butker wanted to make wives the servants of their husbands.[1] The problem? That wasn’t what he said, but the only reason I found that out was because I went to the original source: the transcript of the commencement speech. If you don’t want to read it, you can watch the full speech here.

Today, it’s all too common to take a person’s second-hand perception as truth, rather than reading the original source itself. Don’t let your kiddos fall into this trap. Whenever possible, when a question is asked, go to the source. Take into context the setting, the people with whom it was being spoken to, the motivation behind the teaching, and the present application of objective truth principles today. If reading an article, see where the author got their information, especially when bold claims are made. With a little bit of practice, your little one will start to sound like a nerdy version of Tom Cruise, “Show me the sources!!”

Tip #4 Research the Opposition

There’s a pithy saying about what assuming leads to, which I won’t be sharing here because it’s a little sassy. But take it from me that assuming the motivations, conclusions, or intentions of someone who doesn’t agree with you is a quick way to make a fool of yourself. Sadly, our culture has turned this mistake into the standard form of interaction.

Don’t like someone’s views? No biggie: reduce them to a label and then commence destroying them and everyone remotely like them!

You don’t need a WWJD bracelet to know that’s definitely NOT what Jesus would do! As Christians, we understand that big conclusions about life have a history. Learning that history will help us understand why someone believes what they do, but it doesn’t make that conclusion right. Instead, we need to nurture truth-based empathy in our kids, and we do that by hearing what the other side has to say.

As they learn, have your kids reflect on why a person might come to this conclusion. What (if anything) did they share about their background? How did an experience cause them to question or reject a stance? What philosophical stance do they hold that’s shaping how they view evidence? Once our kids can understand what’s motivating the beliefs of another, then we can help them understand the other person while remaining rooted in truth.

Tip #5 Practice How to Respond

Just like a chess player anticipates the moves of their opponent, so we should anticipate the objections of someone who doesn’t share the biblical worldview. Not so we can slam them with our Bible knowledge but to nurture good discussion should the conversation go that route. It’s also helpful for our own spiritual growth, too!

Kids have a natural ability to speak truth (sometimes too good!) but they’re not so great with tact. That’s why practicing how to discuss the topic with others is key to avoiding awkward conversations. How would you respond to Flora Feminist’s who doesn’t think that the unborn have the same right to life as an adult? What would you say to Nihilist Nick when he denies that the universe was made with telos (purpose)? How would you engage with Social Justice Susie as she defends the Marxist concept of oppressed versus oppressors?

We can’t know everything, but acquainting your child with counter-arguments will help them not be phased when their lunch room evangelism encounter doesn’t end like a Christian Hallmark movie (or a scene from God’s Not Dead).

Practice and Repeat!

Mamas, Satan is going to make you feel like training your kids how to research is boring or unimportant. This is a lie. Don’t let social media or YouTube steal your attention from the fruitful harvest growing within your home. Bring up your children in training and instruction of the Lord.

When they are small, show them how you research a topic and check to make sure the sources are valid. As they grow, help them evaluate the resources they’re using. Watch videos of someone who doesn’t agree with you and evaluate the claims being made. Let them see you wrestle with a question. Show them that there is more than just one page on a search engine. Most of all, make the most of as many opportunities as you can to grow in the knowledge of the Lord.

References: 

[1] https://www.kansascity.com/sports/spt-columns-blogs/sam-mcdowell/article288517451.html

Recommended Resources: 

Counter Culture Christian: Is the Bible True? by Frank Turek (Mp3), (Mp4), and (DVD)        

Debate: What Best Explains Reality: Atheism or Theism? by Frank Turek DVD, Mp4, and Mp3 

Jesus, You and the Essentials of Christianity by Frank Turek (INSTRUCTOR Study Guide), (STUDENT Study Guide), and (DVD)      

Early Evidence for the Resurrection by Dr. Gary Habermas (DVD), (Mp3) and (Mp4)

 

Amy Davison is a former Air Force veteran turned Mama Bear Apologist. She graduated from Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary with an MA in Christian Apologetics. She and her husband Michael (also former Air Force) have been married for over 17 years and have 4 kids. Amy is the Mama Bear resident expert on sex and sexuality, and she’s especially hoping to have that listed on her Mama Bear business card.

Originally posted at: https://bit.ly/4gAYteb

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How My Son’s Confession of Faith (Nearly) Broke Twitter

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For almost a week in late 2020, my 11-year-old son practically went viral on the Internet, and he doesn’t even know it. Let me tell you why. You see, he had walked out onto our back deck and, cool as a cucumber, announced to my husband and me that he had accepted Jesus as his Savior. Needless to say, we were pleasantly caught off guard.

“Oh? When did this happen?” I asked.

“The other night. Yup,” he nodded in a very Young Sheldon-esq way, “I looked at the evidence and Christianity makes the most sense.” Then, away he went to build a new Lego creation.

We had a good chuckle over his matter-of-fact confession. I thought my apologetics friends would, too, so I hopped on Twitter and shared the amusing scene. I didn’t think it would make much of a blip on the social network but mamas. . .  Twitter. Lost. Its. Mind.

In just hours, my tweet had 100,000+ views and a torrent of comments. I thought my phone was busted because it wouldn’t stop dinging. The majority of people interacting were split between being furious that he accepted Christ or denying that this even happened.

Here are a couple of examples:

The tweet was even nominated for a “Didn’t Happen In Real Life” Twitter award which, hilariously, is actually a thing. [i]

For those few days, we waffled between amusement and sadness. People weren’t just skeptical, some were downright vile. When Christ said we will be hated because of our belief, He wasn’t kidding.

Making Sense of the Twitter Minefield

As I sorted through the comments, I noticed that most of the hatred revolved around a few main challenges toward Christian parenting. Each have their own valid concern and, sadly, their own wound. Most parents will be accused of at least one of these, but let me encourage you, each can easily be debunked. Ready?

  1. “Your child isn’t mature enough.”
    The first big reason I saw floating amidst the tweets was the claim that kids can’t make a decision about their faith because their brains haven’t fully matured. Had my son said he was pro-choice, anti-Trump, atheist, or identifed as a different gender, these same critics probably wouldn’t have had a problem. [ii] But believe in Jesus? Not a chance.

Had my son said he was pro-choice, anti-Trump, atheist, or identifed as a different gender, these same critics probably wouldn’t have had a problemClick To Tweet

They’re right that children’s brains aren’t fully developed, but they kinda shoot themselves in the foot, too. The human brain isn’t fully formed until around the age of 25. Yet, it continues to develop and sharpen critical reasoning skills for the duration of a person’s life. [iii] When then, is the cognitive finish line? At the very least, this argument would mean that we couldn’t discuss Christianity ’til our kids are middle aged and starting families of their own. Talk about ridiculous.

Secondly, just because a person has reached the age where their brain is developmentally mature, it doesn’t guarantee they’ll make informed sound decisions. I mean, have you been on a college campus lately?! If we’re going to implement standards on when a person is capable of making important decisions like faith, age won’t always cut it.

With this in mind, I agree with the critics to an extent. I get a bit nervous when some adorable little moppet needs water wings to enter the baptismal. Sure, their confession warms the heart, but sometimes I wonder how much they really understand about walking in the Christian faith. Will they stand firm in their youth like Timothy? Or end up like the adult waiting behind them to be rebaptized because they didn’t know what they were getting into at such a young age? It’s not for me to say. What I can say is that the Holy Spirit can move in the young just as much as the old and in-betweens. A child is more than capable of understanding the basics of theology, logic, apologetics, and worldviews to make their own personal informed decision. Sometimes we don’t give the littlest among us enough credit.

  1. “You’re obviously indoctrinating them.”
    Every time I see someone toss out the word indoctrination, my inner Inigo Montoya thinks, “You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.”And for the most part, Montoya is dead on. Indoctrination means that ideas are taught to be accepted uncritically. You don the robe, drink the Kool-Aid, and don’t you dare ask what’s in it. [iv]

The sad part is that a lot of adults wanting to slam Christians with indoctrination charges are reacting from their own or another’s bad experiences, not because they’ve seen how you run your household. They may have had a parent who would throw a fit if they asked a question. Perhaps a pastor accused them of being sinful for having doubts. Some felt that their family’s love depended on them accepting their parent’s faith. Is it any wonder why they’d be skeptical?

Here’s the thing: just because some kids have been bullied into the faith, doesn’t mean all of them have. If kids are allowed to interact with other worldviews, practice critical thinking, explore challenges to the faith, and decided for themselves if they want to accept Christianity, then they are not being indoctrinated, they’re being educated.

If kids are allowed to interact with other worldviews, practice critical thinking, explore challenges to the faith, and decided for themselves, then they are not being indoctrinated, they’re being educated.Click To Tweet

  1. “Only atheists are critical thinkers.”
    This argument trails closely behind the indoctrination challenge and goes something like this: Only atheists are critical thinkers. Why? Because they’re atheists. Christians couldn’t be critical thinkers because if they were, they would be atheists. If this sounds a bit circular to you, that’s because it is.

A lot of the problem stems from the false belief that to think critically, you have to abide by the rules of naturalism. If any evidence is outside of nature (which is where we get the term supernatural) or if evidence points to God, then it has to be tossed aside because you can’t think critically by using it. [v] Talk about linguistic theft!

Folks, if someone thinks that Christians can’t be critical thinkers simply because they accepted Christianity, then they need to acquaint themselves with the real definition of critical thinking and a few people like Robert Boyle, Isaac Newton, and George Washington Carver. All were great critical thinkers, scientists, and engineers. And all of them were *spoiler alert* Christians!

  1. “They’re only Christians because you are.”
    Let’s cut to the chase. When someone says that a kid is only a Christian because their parents are, they’re committing what’s called the genetic fallacy. Under the genetic fallacy, a belief can be tossed aside based on where it came from.  Remember when Nathanael in John 1:46 asked if anything good can come from Nazareth? Yeah, his “if it’s from Nazareth it’s bad,” mindset is an example of a genetic fallacy.

Toss in challenge #3, and your kids couldn’t be Christians because of the working of the Holy Spirit, being taught how to evaluate arguments, seeing the philosophical implications of varying worldviews, or evaluating the evidence for and against God. The only reason your kids are Christians is because you are, and that’s bad . . . . bad logic that is.

If kids are only Christians because their parents are, then there wouldn’t be any Christian parents with Muslim kids or atheist parents with Christian kids. Ironically, when the atheist who tweeted this shared that they had Christian parents, they debunked their own argument. [vi] All parents, regardless of their beliefs, shape their child’s worldview. Ultimately, it’s up to the child what they choose to believe.

The Real Issue

For the grand finale, we welcome Captain Obvious to the stage. The biggest reason folks get their boxers in a bunch over a child’s declaration of faith is because *drumroll please* . . . . they picked Christianity. Mamas, this is no mystery. Jesus said that we will be hated because of His name (Matthew 10:22). This includes our children. Sure, the Twitter haters will use the above challenges to dismiss your child’s confession of faith, but deep down, the real issue is that they hate Christianity. Maybe they’ve been hurt in the past, maybe they’ve bought into our culture’s current view that paints Christians as synonymous with Stalin. Regardless of the reason, if your child is a Christian, they will be seen as either a victim or an enemy. Both for which you are to blame.

Like most Twitter trends, the ruckus over my guy’s confession of faith eventually died down. I didn’t engage with the mob much mainly because arguing on Twitter is a lot like getting into a shouting match with your mailbox. Sure, what you’re saying may be true. But to everyone watching, you look like an idiot. When it comes to social media, you gotta know when it’s pointless to cast your pearls. I write this post to encourage you, mamas and papas, out there to carry on your God-commanded duty to be faithful witnesses to your children. The world may hate you for it, but take heart, you were never meant for this world anyway.

I didn’t engage with the mob much mainly because arguing on Twitter is a lot like getting into a shouting match with your mailbox. Sure, what you’re saying may be true. But to everyone watching, you look like an idiot.Click To Tweet

Ps. If you’re interested in what Tweet caused all the fuss, you can find it on my Twitter page, @saltngrace46. It was posted on October 19, 2020.

References:

[i] I didn’t win (I lost to Britney Spears!), which is kind of a bummer because I was looking forward to wearing a dress made from print outs from the comments section. Just kidding. Kinda.

[ii] I mention these examples because they were actually brought up by people in the comments section.

[iii] A few quick links: https://bigthink.com/videos/what-age-is-brain-fully-developed, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OJ_zEaun-as, https://www.businessinsider.com/age-brain-matures-at-everything-2017-11

[iv] Brainwashing kicks things up a notch by throwing some force into the mix. Think The Manchurian Candidate or Peeta from The Hunger Games.

[v] Another big beef the critics had was that my son couldn’t possibly have looked at all the evidence for the faith. They’re right, he didn’t. Neither have I, or you, or them. There’s just too much of it. However, that doesn’t mean you can’t make a rational decision based on what you have.

[vi] There were also some that would proudly claim how their children were fellow atheists while totally missing that they couldn’t stand up to their own charges.

Recommended Resources:

Was Jesus Intolerant? (DVD) and (Mp4 Download) by Dr. Frank Turek 

Jesus vs. The Culture by Dr. Frank Turek DVD, Mp4 Download, and Mp3

Can All Religions Be True? mp3 by Frank Turek

How Can Jesus be the Only Way? Mp4, Mp3, and DVD by Frank Turek

 

Amy Davison is a former Air Force veteran turned Mama Bear Apologist. She graduated from Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary with an MA in Christian Apologetics. She and her husband Michael (also former Air Force) have been married for over 17 years and have 4 kids. Amy is the Mama Bear resident expert on sex and sexuality, and she’s especially hoping to have that listed on her Mama Bear business card.

Originally posted at: https://bit.ly/4a5exTV

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We Need More Sound Biblical Doctrine Taught in the American Church

We Need More Sound Biblical Doctrine Taught in the American Church

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By Jason Jimenez

We’ve all heard and seen the numbers that show how biblically illiterate Christians are in America. For example, the reputable Barna Group cites only 6% of identified Christians possess a biblical worldview. This is (more or less) verified by Pew Research Center and LifeWay Research.

No matter how many times I’ve studied statistics on biblical illiteracy in the American church—it always causes me to swell up with tears.

But why? Why are over 90% of Christians unfamiliar with the Bible and incapable of articulating the doctrines of the Christian faith?

As a pastor, I realize the bulk of discipleship is on the parents, not the church. In Ephesians 6:4, Paul commands fathers to raise their children in the “discipline and instruction of the Lord.” But the critical training ground for families, especially for dads and moms, is the church. We see again in Ephesians the duty of spiritual leaders within the church is to “equip the saints for the work of the ministry” and to “build up the body of Christ (4:12). The Greek word for “equip” is katartismos, which carries the idea of “adequately qualifying or preparing someone to accomplish something with sufficiency.”  

Unfortunately, this form of equipping Christians in the Word of God and theology is no longer a high priority for most American churches. Rather than being a place where Christians are trained thoroughly in sound biblical doctrine, the Western church has capitulated to a water-down gospel presentation that seeks to entertain rather than raise up an army of soldiers capable of advancing the kingdom of God amid a dark and perverted world.

However, not only has a lack of teaching sound biblical doctrine contributed to the decline of biblical literacy, but it also has created an absence of godliness in the church and a decline in the overall attendance in denominations across the country.

This (and many more reasons) is why pastors and church leaders need to get back to teaching sound biblical doctrine instead of feeding their congregations a bite-size version of Christianity.

The great Bible teacher, Warren Wiersbe, had this to say, “Churches are not built up and strengthened through man-made programs, entertainment, recreation, or “drives.” The church is a body and must have spiritual food; this food is the Word of God.”

Wiersbe is right. The church’s primary service isn’t to offer programs once or twice a week for families. Instead, the church is meant to be a place where Christians can come and get grounded in the Word of God as they grow in their love for Jesus and love for one another (see Hebrews 10:24-25).

Notice how Paul described what the Word of God does for a believer: “All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, that the man of God may be complete, equipped for every good work” (2 Timothy 3:16–17).

Did you catch that? When churches and Christians spend time learning God’s Word and unpacking the rich doctrinal truths that make up the Christian faith—they will be complete and able to fulfill the will of God. As physical exercise is beneficial for your body, so too is the Word of God profitable for Christians as they are trained on how to form proper habits of behavior so that they are qualified and able to live out their faith every day.

So, if you are a Christian leader in your church, ask yourself, how effective am I in teaching sound doctrine to the people God has called me to shepherd? If you are currently not serving in your church, ask yourself, what can I start doing to be a part of the solution to train up more Christians in the Word of God?

Recommended resources related to the topic:

Talking with Your Kids about God: 30 Conversations Every Christian Parent Must Have by Natasha Crain (Book)

Forensic Faith for Kids by J. Warner Wallace and Susie Wallace (Book)

So the Next Generation will Know by J. Warner Wallace (Book and Participant’s Guide)

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Jason Jimenez (www.standstrongministries.org) is president of STAND STRONG Ministries, a faculty member at Summit Ministries, and best-selling author of Challenging Conversations: A Practical Guide to Discuss Controversial Topics in the Church and many other books. Connect with him on YouTube, Facebook, and Instagram.

Original Blog Source: https://bit.ly/3p7V67v

 

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You Can’t Make Your Kid a Christian

You Can’t Make Your Kid a Christian

By Natasha Crain

I thrive on control.

I love projects that can be broken into goals, tasks, and success or failure criteria. Nothing motivates me more than the opportunity to strive toward the successful completion of something. I actually have spreadsheets that outline every hour of my life with a color code for the activity, so I can understand exactly where my time goes. I even have spreadsheets for my kids’ lives!

For a major “control freak” like me, having kids is a real wake-up call to the fact that there are some very important things in life that cannot be controlled via spreadsheet (gasp). I didn’t realize that, however, until a few months ago when I was trying to identify why I was always mad at my twins. Aside from the fact that they were being typical 3-year-olds, they were not behaving according to “my plan.” I had the mentality that perfect parenting could lead to perfect kids. I certainly never thought my parenting was perfect, but every time they misbehaved, I felt it was a direct indictment of the quality of my parenting, and that led to misplaced frustration… at them. When they were good, I attributed it to me, and when they were bad, I attributed it to me even more so.

The problem with this is that it effectively made my parenting all about me rather than about my kids. I realized that I needed to start having a teacher mentality rather than a boss mentality. The key distinction is that teachers are responsible for learning. Bosses are responsible for outcomes. When you think you are working toward an outcome, your focus is on controlling the process. When you think you are working toward learning, your heart lets go of the process to embrace that which will most impactfully grow the student.

How much more so this is true as applied to the development of our children’s faith!
If our motivation for investing in our children’s faith development is even subconsciously rooted in the belief that we 1) can control that outcome or 2) are responsible for that outcome, we will start controlling the process too tightly.

We can’t “make” our children Christians.  

Only God can call our children. Not me. Not you.

Only our children can respond to that call. Not me. Not you.

That’s why we could invest 24 hours per day in spiritual activities for our kids, and they could be atheists the day they leave home. That’s why we could invest 0 hours per day in spiritual activities for our kids, and they could be rock-solid Christ-followers the day they leave home.

This shouldn’t be discouraging. It simply means we need to put our children in God’s hands and focus on the responsibility God has given us.

So what ARE Christian parents responsible for?

The three most specific passages in the Bible on parenting all speak to the role of teaching (not to outcomes).

“…bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” (Ephesians 6:4, emphasis mine)

“Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old, he will not depart from it.” (Proverbs 22:6, emphasis mine)

“You shall teach them (God’s commands) diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.” (Deuteronomy 6:7, emphasis mine)

Our hearts have to be precisely right for this calling of Christian parenting. Our time spent in faith development is not a purchase; it is an investment that may or may not pay off with the desired outcome. But God has called us as teachers. We need to let Him be the boss.

 

Natasha Crain is a blogger, author, and national speaker who is passionate about equipping Christian parents to raise their kids with an understanding of how to make a case for and defend their faith in an increasingly secular world. She is the author of two apologetics books for parents: Talking with Your Kids about God (2017) and Keeping Your Kids on God’s Side (2016). Natasha has an MBA in marketing and statistics from UCLA and a certificate in Christian apologetics from Biola University. A former marketing executive and adjunct professor, she lives in Southern California with her husband and three children.

Original Blog Source: http://bit.ly/2Jr9cNe

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Four Ways to Come Alongside Your Kids to Strengthen Their Faith

If you’re paying attention to what’s happening in America today, you’re probably aware of the challenges facing young Christians in their teens and twenties. It’s a simple fact: most young Christians will walk away from the Church during (or before) their college years. Like other Christian parents, I’m animated to work as hard as I can to address this dilemma, for my own kids and for the next generation of believers. I’ve authored books, written blogs, recorded podcasts and videos in an attempt to help young people evaluate the evidence for Christianity. I also speak to local congregations. Following a recent church presentation, I was approached by a mother who was concerned for her high school children. We began discussing several ways parents can prepare their kids before sending them off to college. Here are four simple guiding strategies:

Learn Alongside Your Kids
What would you say if your son or daughter asked you the following question: “If God is all-powerful and all-loving, why is there so much evil in the world? Is God unable to stop it? Is He unwilling?” Or, how about this question: “If God is the creator of everything, who created God?” These are common questions asked by skeptics and believers alike. Are you ready to answer them in a meaningful, reasonable way? If not, don’t feel bad, most Christian parents feel under-equipped to answer difficult objections to Christianity.

Let that kind of anxiety motivate you to learn alongside your kids. You don’t have to be an expert to lead your kids to the truth. In fact, you only need to be a few steps ahead of them. Cold-Case Christianity for Kids and God’s Crime Scene for Kids were written for children, with their parents in mind. You can learn from these books as your kids examine the evidence for God’s existence and the truth of Christianity. If you want to learn more, the adult versions of these books parallel the kid’s books chapter by chapter. Investigate about the evidence for Christianity, learn how to make the case for what is true, and do it alongside your kids.

Share Alongside Your Kids
If you’re like me, your friends and family already know what your passionate about. Why? Because I bet you talk about it whenever you get the chance. All of us do this; our conversations at dinner, while driving in the car, or even while walking the dog, give away what really matters to us. If you’ve passionately adopted a reasoned, rational approach to your faith, odds are good you’ll start sharing this interest with your kids during these moments of conversation. You can’t force this; it just happens.

So, if you really want to help your kids develop a strong, confident faith, you can be intentional and create opportunities, especially as your kids approach their teen years. My friend, Natasha Crain, has written a number of books to help you engage your kids in conversations about God. They are fantastic. Be passionate, take advantage of opportunities and resources like these, and speak up. Talk with your kids about the stuff that matters most.

Place Others Alongside Your Kids
As parents, we need all the help we can get. I’m not suggesting you should relinquish your responsibility to prepare your kids, but I do recognize the value of relevant mentors in the lives of my children. Back when I was a youth pastor (and my kids were part of my ministry), I paired my sons with a young man, Tim, who I came to trust as a leader. He is nearly twenty years younger than I am, and he is much more culturally relevant. My sons love him and respect his musical ability and his athleticism. He shares my Christian worldview and my passion for case making, but is a much cooler version of me.

Over the years, Tim has often echoed my thoughts and beliefs, and there were times when my sons seemed to embrace these ideas more readily when they came from him, rather than me. Identify relevant mentors, introduce your kids to thoughtful role models, and do whatever it takes to keep them connected. Place reasonable, devoted believers alongside your kids.

Engage the Culture Alongside Your Kids
Most of us can remember a pivotal moment in our young lives as Christians; a moment when someone said something incredibly significant, or an occasion when we experienced something transformational. These moments often happen by accident, but they don’t have to. As parents, we can facilitate these kinds of moments and experiences for our kids. Sometimes it’s a missions trip. I’ve been taking “case making” missions trips for many years, and the kids who attend these excursions always describe them as transformational.

Summit Worldview Conference is also an important resource for parents. As a member of the faculty there, I’ve seen what happens in this intensive two-week worldview training experience. It is nothing short of life changing. I cannot recommend it highly enough. Look for opportunities, prioritize your calendar, and encourage your kids to engage in a short-term, high intensity adventure. Come alongside your kids to help them have a pivotal moment.

As my wife, Susie, and I thought about our journey as Christian parents, we sensed a calling to provide resources to help other parents teach their kids good thinking skills as they examined the case for Jesus. So we wrote Cold-Case Christianity for Kids and God’s Crime Scene for Kids. Our own experience as youth leaders and pastors taught us that young people begin to question their faith in junior high. We wanted to provide a resource that would answer critical questions kids might have before they even begin to ask them. I hope our kids books will help you prepare your own children so you can provide them with answers to encourage them, develop opportunities to talk with them, find mentors to guide them and create experiences to remind them.

J. Warner Wallace is a Cold-Case Detective, Christian Case Maker, Senior Fellow at the Colson Center for Christian Worldview, and the author of Cold-Case Christianity, Cold-Case Christianity for Kids, God’s Crime Scene, God’s Crime Scene for Kids, and Forensic Faith.

This article was first written for Crosswalk.com

Comment or Subscribe to J. Warner’s Daily Email

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Christian Parenting New Year

5 Attitude Changes That Will Transform Your Christian Parenting in the New Year

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By Natasha Crain

It’s been a few weeks since I’ve been able to write a post because my nose has been buried in writing my new book (if you’re new to the blog or missed what I’m working on, you can read about it here!). My deadline is March 1, so my ability to write new blog posts will continue to be sporadic for the next couple of months, but then I’ll be back to writing more regularly again…and I can’t wait. Writing the new book has brought so many important subjects to mind for the blog!

In the meantime, I did want to end the year with a post on New Year’s resolutions. I’ve always been a person who loves setting goals, but I’ve noticed that I set fewer and fewer goals as years go by. It’s easy to get complacent and set in our ways, isn’t it?

One of the reasons I think it’s so hard to actually reach the goals we set is that successful changes in behavior require corresponding changes in underlying attitudes. For example, I’ve been trying to stop biting my nails since I was 15. It’s never happened. The problem isn’t that I can’t physically reach that goal; It’s that, deep down, I’ve never truly believed that this is an important problem that really needs my attention.

Despite the importance of our underlying attitudes in reaching goals, we rarely think of goals in terms of attitudes. So, rather than writing a post about New Year’s goals framed in terms of behavior, I’m writing a post about important attitude shifts we should aim to make.

With that in mind, here are 5 important attitude changes that can truly transform how we disciple our kids. For each one, I’m also giving an example of a behavioral resolution—an action point. But rest assured that unless we first take the attitude changes to heart, those behavioral resolutions will quickly fall by the wayside.

 

ATTITUDE CHANGE #1

From: The Bible is important.

To: The Bible is so important, I need to read it with my kids regularly—and if I don’t, their spiritual development will be significantly compromised.

 As Christians, it should go without saying that the Bible is important. We shouldn’t give ourselves a congratulatory pat on the back for such a belief. But it’s what we do with that belief that will really impact our kids’ spiritual lives. Don’t think for a second that simply paying lip service to the importance of God’s Word will ignite your kids’ interest in it. Without a strong foundation of how to read the Bible, what the Bible says, and why it matters, kids won’t learn how to depend on the source guide for their faith. Instead, they’ll learn to depend on what other people tell them about Christianity.

That’s very dangerous in a world saturated with false information.

So, if you don’t currently read the Bible with your kids, make this the year to start. And don’t depend on devotionals as a substitute—they can be a helpful addition to your family’s spiritual life, but they should never be the starting point.

Behavioral resolution: Pick a Gospel (Matthew, Mark, Luke, or John) and commit to reading one or two chapters per week with your kids (decide on the number of chapters based on how much information your kids are able to take in on a given night). For example, you could decide to read the book of John two nights per week over ten weeks. After that, pick another Gospel, or choose one of Paul’s epistles.

 

ATTITUDE CHANGE #2

From: My kids’ bad behavior will dictate how much time and energy I can spend on their spiritual development.

To: The time and energy I spend on my kids’ spiritual development will have nothing to do with how bad they’re being at any given time.

This is not a conscious attitude for most parents…we don’t set out to let our kids’ bad behavior drive anything. But it sure is easy to let it happen, right? This is something I noticed in my own home this year. I struggled a lot with the constant fighting between my two daughters, which often left me with less than zero energy by the end of the day. They would be mad at each other, or mad at me, or I would be mad at them…and, honestly, the last thing I felt like doing was making the effort on those nights to switch gears and bring it back to God.

But when we start relegating our kids’ spiritual development to the small (who am I kidding…tiny) slivers of time when everyone is in a good mood and feeling like sitting down to discuss what really matters in life, we’ll never make headway. Because it’s so easy to fall into this trap, it’s critical to 1) be aware of the danger and 2) put a plan in place to avoid it (see below).

Behavioral resolution: There’s one key way to support this attitude change—schedule family spiritual time. Start with finding a set time of just 30 minutes to put on the calendar each week. Kids might fight it at first, but over time, if you’re consistent, it will become something your family just expects. And having it planned will help you not succumb to parental fatigue (as long as you don’t cancel it!). This is a great way to do your Bible reading (point 1).

 

ATTITUDE CHANGE #3

From: I’ll talk to my kids about faith whenever good teachable moments arise.

To: I’ll proactively determine what to teach my kids about faith and when.

In case you’re behind on popular parenting lingo, a “teachable moment” is when you use an unplanned event to teach your kids about something. Taking advantage of such times is important. But if this is your primary strategy for teaching your kids about Christianity, it’s one of the most ineffective parenting attitudes you can have.

There’s a simple reason for that: Not everything your kids need to be taught will have a corresponding moment naturally arise. In my book, Keeping Your Kids on God’s Side, I chose 40 of the most important faith conversations parents need to have with their kids in a secular world. Maybe 10 of them would naturally come up in conversation. But when was the last time you saw a brilliant opportunity naturally arise for addressing whether or not the Bible supports slavery? Or whether or not Christianity is responsible for millions of deaths in history? Or how a loving God could command the killing of the Canaanites? Or what the historical facts of the resurrection that most scholars agree on are?

Yet all of these are highly important conversations to have, given the challenges our kids will hear from skeptics today. It’s our responsibility to know what conversations need to be had and to proactively have them. We can’t just wait around for a corresponding teachable moment to happen.

Behavioral resolution: Pick one faith topic each week to have a conversation about with your kids. If you have my book, this will be easy. Read/review a chapter each week yourself (just 4-5 pages), then ask your kids a corresponding question to facilitate conversation. You could have one night per week (e.g., Sunday) where you spend 30 minutes with your Bible reading time and another night per week (e.g., Wednesday) where you do these discussions. Alternatively, you could do your faith discussion over dinner on a given night of the week, or on your commute to school if it’s long enough.

 

ATTITUDE CHANGE #4

From: I need to work on my kids’ (collective) spiritual development.

To: I need to tailor my discipleship to the needs of each of my kids.

If you have more than one child, it’s tempting to mentally merge them into a single discipleship “target”—We are the parental unit (the disciplers) and they are the children unit (the disciples). The problem is, just as in non-spiritual matters, every child is unique in his or her needs. We shouldn’t effectively make our home into a one-size-fits-all church program. Kids are ready for and interested in different areas of faith development at different times.

This is where I think devotionals can be a good supplement to the other things you do as a family (the above points). If you’re doing set times for Bible reading and faith conversations as a family, you can choose devotional books to use with your kids individually on other nights. Just be sure to really spend time looking at the ones you pick, as many have very little “meat” and are hardly better than 365 lessons on being a nice person. (In the 5- to 8-year-old range, I’ve found Max Lucado’s Grace for the Moment to be simple but solid. For about 7- to 10-year-olds, I’ve really liked The One Year Every Day Devotions: Devotions to Help you Stand Strong. No devotional is perfect, but I at least feel comfortable recommending these.)

Behavioral resolution: Write down three areas where you think each of your kids most needs to grow spiritually this year (Prayer? Learning to read the Bible independently? Understanding the basics of the faith? Studying apologetics? etc.). Then ask each child to write down three areas of their own. Compare your lists and decide on a final list of three goals for the year together. Make an action of plan of what you’ll do to work on those goals.

 

ATTITUDE CHANGE #5

From: I want to pass on my faith.

To: I want to help my kids develop their own faith.

While it’s common for parents to say they want to “pass on” their faith, it’s not necessarily a good way to think of our role in our kids’ spiritual lives. We have to remember that what we experience with God can never be exported to our kids; It’s unique to us.

I think one of the biggest reasons so many kids turn away from faith when they leave home is that parents spent too much time trying to pass on their own faith rather than helping their kids develop their own.

This attitude change will fundamentally alter how you think of your role as a Christian parent. It’s a lens through which to view all that you do. Are you continually just trying to express what you believe and what you do with that belief? Or are you teaching your kids why there’s good reason to believe Christianity is objectively true—why anyone should believe it? Changing our perspective on what, exactly, it is that we should be doing as Christian parents can make all the difference in the world.

Behavioral resolution: Reflect on how you currently see your job as a Christian parent, and the difference between passing on your faith and helping your kids develop their own. Commit to either beginning or continuing a study of an apologetics topic of interest (for those new to the blog, apologetics is the study of how to make a case for and defend the truth of Christianity). Need a reading plan? I’ve got a bunch for you: Click here.

 

Which of these attitude changes do you feel you most need to make next year? Share your thoughts below!

 

 

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explain abortion children

How do I explain abortion to my children?

By Michael C. Sherrard

These kinds of questions keep you awake at night. Knowing how and when to talk to your children about sensitive issues isn’t an exact science. But we better figure it out quick. While we contemplate the best way to do it, our little ones are being taught by someone else. The internet, social media, and public education have changed the rules of the game. With that in mind, here are four practical suggestions for parents and church leaders on how to get ahead of the issue and teach your children about abortion.

1. START EARLY. 

Parents always struggle with “how soon do I allow my children to see the brokenness in the world?” My wife, Terri, and I err on the side of sooner than later. I want the first time my children to be horrified by the brokenness of our world to be in the safety of our company and in the context of the gospel. Besides, in the tech age, I’d be foolish to think I can keep the filth away. It will find them. My children need to be ready for when they encounter the darkness.

We need to be proactive in teaching our children. This doesn’t mean that we the force the issue, though. A good way to be proactive but not overbearing is to use questions to gently bring up sensitive subjects. They way I broached abortion with my oldest daughter (age 7) was by asking her if she knew why I went on a recent trip to England. She said, “to speak.” I said, “Yep. I went to speak about abortion. Have you heard that word before?” She shook her head no. I left it there. One minute later she asked what it meant, and we had an amazing conversation.

Good teaching requires knowing your children’s knowledge and assumptions. Bad teachers simply lecture and then patronizingly ask, “Does that make sense?” Don’t do this with your children. Instead, ask your children questions to find out where they are on abortion. Are they oblivious, disinterested, or already educated? Find out. Asking questions also allows for self discovery. You’d be amazed at the insight of seven year olds. They are already making sense of the world. They are forming their moral framework. When simply asked a question and introduced to abortion, children often know what to think if it.(1)

2. SIMPLIFY THE ISSUE.

Children, and adults for that matter, are confused about the pro-life position. We must simplify it. People need to know that we are pro-life because we believe it is wrong to intentionally kill an innocent human being. Abortion is the killing of an innocent human being. Therefore, we believe abortion is wrong.

Children also need to know the reasons that support this belief. They need to know that along with scripture we are pro-life because science and philosophy direct us to be. Science informs us that from the earliest stages of development the unborn are distinct, living, and whole human beings. And philosophically, we understand that there is nothing morally significant in the difference between an embryo and adult that would justify killing the unborn. Differences of size, level of development, environment, and degree of dependency are not good reasons to kill the unborn.(2) 

The case for life is reasonable, rationale, and remarkably simple. Children easily grasp it. Use questions to simplify the issue, teach the pro-life syllogism, and explain the science and philosophy that support our conclusion.(3) Here are some questions you can use.

  • “Is it okay to kill humans?”
  • “Are the unborn human, and if not what are they?”
  • “Would it be okay to kill unborn humans because they are smaller, not aware of themselves, dependent on their mom for survival, and living in her womb?”
  • “Are humans valuable because of what they can do like be self-aware and able to care for themselves? Or are they valuable because of what they are, a human being?”
  • “If the unborn are valuable because they are human, what should we do with them?”

There you go. It’s that simple. You can teach your children the scientific and philosophical case for life by having a conversation directed by the right questions.

3. TALK ABOUT IT FROM THE PULPIT.

I understand that many pastors don’t want the controversy that might accompany speaking on a social issue, but neutrally isn’t an option when it comes to abortion. Children are very observant. When the church is silent on abortion one of two things is communicated to them: either that abortion is tolerable or that it is unforgivable. Both positions are false.

The sin of abortion is a horrific sin for which the blood of Jesus Christ is sufficient. People in our congregation need to hear that abortion is wrong and that there is mercy, forgiveness, and healing for those who have participated in one. When the pulpit addresses abortion, it shows the relevancy of Christianity to our children. It shows that it speaks to all of life. Speaking on it also allows sin to be seen in a concrete rather than abstract manner which makes the gospel more tangible. If you want to faithfully teach your children about abortion, the pulpit must be involved. When it is not, the church undermines the work in the home. (4)

4. CARE FOR THOSE AFFECTED BY ABORTION.

Training our children to be pro-life doesn’t mean that we just make then apologists. We want them to serve and love those affected by abortion. Whether this means that they serve in a local pregnancy resource center, or simply show compassion to their friends who have had an abortion, actively loving those affected by abortion must be stressed.

Do this as a family or a church family. Our youth group went and served our local pregnancy resource center by doing odd jobs for them. Our youth painted, cleaned up the grounds, folded clothes, and many other things. They also were given a short presentation by the director educating them on what the resource center did for woman. Many of our kids had no idea what the resource center was doing. This experience opened their eyes to the compassion in the pro-life movement and the reality of abortion in a way that words never could.

 

Parents, church leaders, we must be motivated. Children are almost always ready for more than we give them. Knowing when they are ready for something isn’t always clear. But I would rather make a mistake a time or two of addressing something too early rather than too late. So start early and teach the simple pro-life message in the home and the church, and may we all show the compassion that springs from the love of our Lord.

______________________________________

(1) Check out “Children asked about Abortion” by my friends at the Human Coalition..

(2) See “How to Defend Your Pro-Life Views in 5 Minutes or Less” by Scott Klusendorf for an excellent, concise summary of the pro-life position.

(3) A syllogism is simply a conclusion that is supported by reasons. This is the pro-life syllogism in case you missed it.

  •  Premise/Reason 1: It is wrong to intentionally kill an innocent human being.
  •  Premise/Reason 2: Abortion is the killing of an innocent human being.
  •  Conclusion: Therefore, abortion is wrong.

(4) I am a pastor, and I’ve experienced the fruit of speaking an equipping, gospel centered message on abortion. Pastors, you can win on this issue. You don’t need to fear taking it on. For our story and some resources on how to do this is your church, visit the Pro-Life Pastors Initiative at plpi.info.

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Michael C. Sherrard is a pastor, the director of Ratio Christi College Prep, and the author of Relational Apologetics. Booking info and such can be found at michaelcsherrard.com.

 

 

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Forcing Religion Kids

5 Signs You’re Forcing Your Religion (or Atheism) on Your Kids… and 5 Signs You’re Not

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By Natasha Crain

Since my book, Keeping Your Kids on God’s Side, came out in March, I’ve been blessed to receive 75 five-star reviews of it on Amazon. To all who have taken the time to leave those reviews, thank you! It means a lot!

In addition to those 75 reviews, I’ve also received 2 one-star reviews…from people who haven’t read the book.

One headline says, “How to brainwash and indoctrinate your child instead of letting him/her think for themselves [sic]”. This is followed by his review, which simply says, “This whole concept is a little upsetting to say the least.”

The other one-star review says, “If you don’t trust your children to follow your religion on their own (without constant reinforcing) then either you don’t trust in your kids or in your religion.”

Clearly, neither of these commenters have read the book and are simply rating the idea of doing something—anything—to “keep your kids on God’s side.” I probably receive at least one blog comment to that effect every week: If you’re raising your kids with a Christian worldview, it automatically means you’re forcing your religion on them.

This is, frankly, nonsense.

Let’s take a minute today and consider what “forcing” your religion—or atheism—on your kids would actually look like…and what it wouldn’t.

5 Signs You’re Forcing Your Religion (or Atheism) on Your Kids

1. You encourage them to have a blind faith, whether you realize it or not.

A blind faith is one where a person accepts certain beliefs without question. I’m pretty sure that if you asked most Christian parents if they want their kids to have such a faith, they’d answer with an emphatic, “No!” Theoretically, everyone wants their kids to have a faith more meaningful than that.

But what many parents don’t realize is that you can inadvertently raise your kids with a blind faith by encouraging them to “just believe” in Jesus.  Is this a heavy-handed or malicious forcing of religion? No. But it has a similar effect—it leads to kids having a faith that exists just because yours does.

Atheists who encourage their kids to reject God without question (because believing in God is just so ridiculous) are effectively doing the same thing.

2. You answer your kids’ questions about God with disapproval.

When kids ask questions about God, it’s the Christian parent’s privilege and responsibility to take the time to offer accurate and thoughtful answers. If your kids’ questions are met with disapproval, however, you’re teaching them that they should just accept what you believe for the sake of believing it. Again, is this a heavy-handed or malicious forcing of religion? No. But, again, it leads to kids having (some kind of) faith just because you do.

Atheists who are determined to make sure their kids don’t fall for the idea of God and show disapproval when their kids express interest in religion are guilty of the same thing.

3. You trivialize other worldviews.

I’ve heard far too many Christians condescendingly laugh at the idea of evolutionary theory, the fact that Mormons have special underwear, or that Muslims believe virgins are waiting in heaven for faithful martyrs. We don’t need to believe that every worldview is true (that’s not even possible), but we do need to make sure we don’t trivialize the beliefs of others by treating them as intellectually inferior. When we do, we’re effectively pushing our beliefs onto our kids by trying to make other beliefs look “small.” Instead of issuing snide remarks, we should be focused on teaching our kids to fairly evaluate the evidence for the truth of varying worldviews.

Atheists who teach their kids that Christianity is an absurd belief system for uneducated or gullible fools should take the same advice.

4. You threaten them with hell when they question the truth of Christianity.

If your gut reaction to a child expressing doubt about the truth of Christianity is something like, “You better not stop believing or you’re going to hell!”, you’re strong-arming them into belief.

Yes, hell is a reality spoken of repeatedly in the Bible. Yes, kids must understand that there is real judgment that awaits all people. But trying to make kids believe in Jesus out of fear won’t lead them to a true relationship with God. Parents should meet kids’ doubts with an open willingness to talk about questions…not with threats.

Atheists get a pass on this one since they don’t believe in hell.

5. You tie them down with ropes and repeatedly yell, “You will believe the way I do…OR ELSE!”

This is what it would look like to literally try forcing your religion or atheism on your kids. Obviously, that’s not happening. But people will keep using the word forcing anyway.

And 5 Signs You’re NOT Forcing Your Religion (or Atheism) on Your Kids

1. You encourage them to have beliefs rooted in good reason and evidence.

The opposite of raising your kids with a blind faith is raising your kids with a faith that’s deeply rooted in good reason. It’s helping them discover the evidence for God in nature—things like the origin of the universe, the design of the universe and of living things, and the origin of morality. It’s helping them understand that all religions can’t point to the same truth. It’s helping them learn the historical evidence for the resurrection. It’s helping them understand the intersection of faith and science. By teaching them why there’s good reason to believe Christianity is true, you’re making sure their beliefs are their own and are not just being pushed onto them from you.

(All of these subjects are covered in my book, Keeping Your Kids on God’s Side: 40 Conversations to Help Them Build a Lasting Faith. If you need help discussing these things, please check it out!)

Atheists can do the same by not simply expecting their kids to reject God, and by talking about the actual evidence they believe points to an atheistic universe.

2. You not only invite your kids’ questions, you raise questions they haven’t even thought of.

Parents shouldn’t see themselves as a Q&A machine. We need to be able to answer our kids’ questions, but we also need to teach them about the questions others raise about Christianity. As I’ve said before, if our kids are someday shocked by the claims of skeptics, we didn’t do our job. By proactively sharing those challenges, we demonstrate that truth has nothing to fear and that we’re not “forcing” them to see only one side of the picture.

Atheists should do this as well, by sharing with their kids the challenges theists raise to their worldview.

3. You proactively teach them about other worldviews.

It’s one thing to share the challenges to Christianity with your kids (point 2, above). But it’s another thing to study worldviews in their entirety. For example, you might address the common atheist challenge that miracles aren’t possible, but that doesn’t give your kids a comprehensive understanding of what the atheist worldview is and what its implications are. It’s important that kids get that bigger picture for the major worldviews today so, once again, they never feel we’re forcing them to see only one perspective.

Atheists…you knew it was coming…should be doing this too. If atheist parents just nitpick at Christianity by teaching their kids random snippets of Christian belief and never take the time to offer a comprehensive picture of the Christian worldview, they’re just as guilty of passing on a one-sided perspective.

4. You deal with your kids’ doubts by helping them find meaningful answers to their questions.

Parents who address doubts by helping their kids find meaningful answers to their questions—rather than personally threatening them with eternal consequences—are giving their kids the tools they need to make their faith their own.

If atheists have kids who are doubting their atheism, they should equally work to address those questions rather than casually brushing them off.

5. You DON’T tie them down with ropes and repeatedly yell, “You will believe the way I do…OR ELSE!”

Ironically, given those one-star reviews, my book is all about why parents need to not push a blind faith onto their kids…and how to, instead, help them make their faith their own.

It definitely doesn’t suggest we should effectively or literally force religion upon our kids. No ropes. No yelling. No threats. Not even a one-sided presentation of Christianity.

But the claims will continue to come because too many people don’t stop to think about what it actually means to force religion on kids…and what it doesn’t.

Fortunately, I now have this post to share and help them out.  I’m sure they’ll be very grateful.

Visit Natasha’s Website @ www.ChristianMomThoughts.com
Natasha Crain is a blogger, author, and national speaker who is passionate about equipping Christian parents to raise their kids with an understanding of how to make a case for and defend their faith in an increasingly secular world. She is the author of two apologetics books for parents: Talking with Your Kids about God (2017) and Keeping Your Kids on God’s Side (2016). Natasha has an MBA in marketing and statistics from UCLA and a certificate in Christian apologetics from Biola University. A former marketing executive and adjunct professor, she lives in Southern California with her husband and three children.
Original Blog Source: http://bit.ly/32n5hH0
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3 Key Things Skeptics Will Say to Shame Your Kids for Being Christians

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By Natasha Crain

I haven’t blogged in the last couple of weeks because my family and I were on vacation. We went on a wonderful trip to the island of Grand Cayman! I successfully managed to avoid email while I was there, but that made for quite a backlog by the time I returned. As I started going through the emails to my blog address, I was struck by the nature of comment after comment left by atheists on various old blog posts while I was gone: one emotional attack after another and not a single discussion of evidence for/against the truth of Christianity.

I actually get such emails all the time and am very used to it. But seeing them all piled together made me realize how often the objective of skeptics is to shame Christians rather than to engage in fair-minded discussions about evidence—something highly ironic given how much skeptics talk in theory about how important evidence is.

Shaming can have an especially negative impact on kids, who are very susceptible to believing emotion-laden statements. But this, too, is something we can (and should) prepare them for. While shaming comes in all kinds of forms, I can roll 90 percent of skeptics’ comments into some version of three general claims.

Here is what your kids are most likely to hear…and what you can do about it.

1. “You’ve been indoctrinated.”

The Implied Shame Claim: You’re just parroting what your parents have drilled into your head throughout your childhood. You’ve been brainwashed and can’t even think for yourself. If you’re brave enough to look at [evidence/science/common sense] instead, you’ll see how crazy Christianity is.

I probably receive at least one blog comment each week about how I’m indoctrinating my kids simply by raising them in a Christian home. Skeptics love to say this. The problem is, it betrays a fundamental misunderstanding of what indoctrination even means.  As I explained in this post, indoctrination is “teaching someone to fully accept the ideas, opinions, and beliefs of a particular group and to not consider other ideas, opinions and beliefs.” In other words, indoctrination is a problem with how you teach someone something. It’s not inherently related to any particular belief system, though religion is one type of belief system where indoctrination is possible. Atheists can indoctrinate their kids as well.

So, unless a skeptic has been inside the homes of every Christian in America, seen how we are teaching our kids Christianity, and then had appropriate reason to conclude that we don’tcollectively expose our kids to other ideas, it’s utterly meaningless to say that “Christians indoctrinate their kids.”

What Parents Can Do:

  • Make sure you’re not actually indoctrinating your kids. Make sure you are teaching them what other people believe. That doesn’t mean you should teach them that what everyone else believes is true (that’s not logically possible)—it simply means you’re appropriately comparing and contrasting other ideas, opinions, and beliefs.
  • Make it explicitly clear to your kids that you don’t want them to believe in Jesus just because you do. (Read why this is so important in my post, Six Scary But Important Words Every Christian Parent Should Say to Their Kids About Faith.) When you’ve actuallydemonstrated that it’s important for them to own their spiritual decisions, they’ll have no reason to later question whether they’ve been “indoctrinated” when someone suggests it.
  • Teach your kids the evidence for the truth of Christianity (you’re going to see a recurring theme on this bullet point). In that very process, you’ll be comparing and contrasting truth claims from various worldviews and your kids will know first-hand that you didn’t “indoctrinate” them.

2. “If you allow yourself to think critically, you’ll see there’s no reason to believe in God.”

The Implied Shame Claim: Don’t you want to be a critical thinker? Someone who is rational, reasonable, and uses their brain? If you have faith, you’re throwing all that out the door. You’re choosing to believe something in spite of all evidence to the contrary.

“Critical thinking” is a buzz phrase today. Technically speaking, critical thinking is the “objective analysis and evaluation of an issue to form a judgment.” The funny thing is, skeptics always assume that such thinking necessarily leads to their own conclusions. The logic goes like this:

  1. Critical thinking means forming beliefs based on evidence.
  2. There’s no evidence for God.
  3. If you believe in God, you’re not thinking critically.

The problem with this logic is the second statement—the foregone conclusion that there’s no evidence for God. A more honest assessment would be that Christians and atheists disagree over what constitutes legitimate evidence for God. As much as many skeptics would like to make critical thinking their own domain based on this implied argument, the reality is that neither Christians nor atheists are willing to believe in something without evidence; Christians believe there is evidence for God. That’s why conversations about who’s thinking more critically than whom are absolutely pointless. There are Christians who think well and Christians who think poorly; atheists who think well and atheists who think poorly. This says nothing about the evidence itself.

What Parents Can Do:

  • Be intentional in talking to your kids about definitions. So many times, Christians and skeptics talk right past each other with conflicting meanings of the same words. In this case, discuss the words critical thinking and faith (skeptics incorrectly assert that faith means believing something in spite of evidence —see chapter 8 of my book for help with this conversation).
  • Discuss the implied argument of the three points listed above and explain that this is the logic behind skeptics’ claims that Christians don’t think critically. When you expose your kids to the thinking behind the shame claim, they won’t be fazed by it later.
  • Teach your kids the evidence for the truth of Christianity (yup, here it is again!). It’s one thing to show them the faulty logic (see the point above)—it’s another thing to teach them how to combat a faulty premise themselves.

3. “Christians are less intelligent than atheists. Studies show it.”

The Implied Shame Claim: You’re stupid if you’re a Christian and that’s not just my opinion—it’s been proven.

You may be surprised to hear that a number of studies have found a negative relationship between intelligence and religiousness—in other words, they suggest that the more intelligent a person is, the less likely they are to be religious. Many passionate atheists are well aware of these studies and use them as ammunition for their arguments that religion is for the poor, ignorant, or unintelligent.

My professional background is in market research (I have an MBA in marketing and statistics) so I decided to personally review the studies that are constantly referenced by skeptics. I explained my findings in detail in my post, Are Christians Less Intelligent Than Atheists? Here’s What Those Studies REALLY Say, and further in Chapter 16 of my book.

Here’s the bottom line of what you should know: Over the last 80+ years, many studies have been done on the relationship between intelligence and religiousness. In 2013, researchers pulled together all the ones that quantified that relationship. Of the 63 studies they identified, roughly half showed no relationship at all. The other half showed at least some kind of negative relationship (the more intelligent you are, the less likely you are to be religious). That said, statistically speaking, it’s not very helpful to simply know there is “some kind” of relationship. You have to know how strong the relationship is to know if it matters. So researchers combined the results of all these individual studies to evaluate that question overall…and found the strength of relationship to be very weak. What do I mean by very weak? A -.17 or -.20 correlation is considered to be a trivial or negligible relationship by most statisticians. In other words, hardly worth mentioning. There is no reasonable basis for suggesting Christians are less intelligent than atheists according to this data.

What Parents Can Do:

  • Give your kids an appropriate framework for considering this kind of claim before you even discuss specific studies: Even if we could reliability measure which group is collectively smarter (we can’t), the answer wouldn’t tell us anything about the truth of Christianity. Intelligence doesn’t equate to always having the right answer. The important question we must constantly point our kids back to is, Which worldview is an accurate picture of reality? (Not which worldview theoretically has the smartest adherents.)
  • If your kids are teens, take the time to read my summary of these studies and findings and then discuss (links to my blog post and book above).
  • Teach your kids the evidence for the truth of Christianity (I told you this would keep coming up!). How else will they know how to set aside distracting claims like this one about intelligence and answer the key question, Which worldview is an accurate picture of reality?

 

So, you must have caught the recurring solution that combats all of these attempts at shaming:Teach your kids the evidence for the truth of Christianity.

Consider for a moment why that in particular is the antidote for almost any shaming attempt. Shame by definition is “a painful emotion caused by a strong sense of guilt, embarrassment, unworthiness or disgrace.” In other words, the root of shame is feeling inadequate.

In order for our kids to feel (more than) adequate when they encounter shaming attempts, they need to have the deep conviction that what they believe is really true. Only then will they be able to fully see these shame claims for what they are—shallow and baseless emotional attacks—and be able to say confidently with the apostle Paul, “I am not ashamed of the gospel, because it is the power of God that brings salvation to everyone who believes” (Romans 1:16).

If you need help talking to your kids about the evidence for the truth of Christianity and how to address secular claims with your kids, please check out my book, Keeping Your Kids on God’s Side: 40 Conversations to Help Them Build a Lasting Faith.

Visit Natasha’s Site @ ChristianMomThoughts.com

Resources for Greater Impact:

 

 

 

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How to Get Your Kids to Ask More Questions About Their Faith

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By Natasha Crain

The most popular post on my blog is one I wrote last year called, The Number One Sign Your Kids are Just Borrowing Your Faith (and Not Developing Their Own).

That post has been read by more than 80,000 people and shared almost 14,000 times. Clearly it resonated deeply with people.

So what was the sign that your kids are just “borrowing” your faith?

They rarely, if ever, ask questions about it.

Many parents wrote to me and said the post made them realize that they were doing a lot of talking about God…but their kids weren’t doing a lot of talking back.

If your kids aren’t showing much proactive interest in talking about faith, I have a very easy and effective solution to share with you today: Start a questions night.

For the last several months, our family has set aside a night each week in order to simply sit and answer any questions our kids have about faith. They absolutely love it. And I can tell you that they weren’t asking these questions before we started the questions night. They knew they could always ask us questions, but that doesn’t mean they actually did. Setting aside a special time for questions opens the doors of communication in ways that don’t necessarily happen otherwise.

These question nights have facilitated some of the most important conversations we have ever had with our kids.

Here are 9 tips to help you get started with your own!

 

1. You don’t need to know how to answer all your kids’ questions before you launch your questions night.

Whenever I mention to someone that we have a questions night, the first response is always, “I don’t think I could answer my kids’ questions!”…followed by an uncomfortable laugh. If that’s what you’re thinking as you read this, please don’t let that concern stop you from doing it! You will never know how to answer all of your kids’ questions. No matter how prepared you are, they will ask questions you’re not sure how to answer…so there’s no point in waiting.

 

2. When you don’t know an answer, there’s no need to be embarrassed…just use it as a chance to teach your kids how you find answers yourself.

I’ll never forget one of the first questions my daughter asked: Why did Jesus have to be baptized if He wasn’t a sinner?

I have to admit I had never thought about that (if you’re interested in the answer, here’s a nice quick article). I laughed and told her that was a really great question that I hadn’t even thought about. Then I showed her how we could use my study Bible to find an answer.

Here’s the thing to remember: When your kids stump you, they’re proud of themselves…not ashamed of you. Praise them for asking a great question, then use it as an opportunity to demonstrate how to find the answers together. My kids love thinking of questions so good we can’t answer. And we love it too.

 

3. Explicitly tell your kids that any question is OK.

If your kids are old enough that they may have doubts about their faith, they may not open up with those questions by default. Other kids might fear their questions are too basic and won’t want to admit they don’t understand something they feel they should. Be sure to explicitly tell your kids up front that all questions are welcome and you’ll never bedisappointed by or angry about something they want to know.

 

4. If you think your kids might need time to warm up to the idea of asking questions, have some ready to go in advance.

If you’re not sure that your kids will hit the ground running with the new questions night, pick a couple of interesting questions in advance to throw out on their behalf. That way you won’t be sitting around awkwardly staring at each other in silence. If you need some ideas, check out my list of 65 questions every Christian parent should learn how to answer.

 

5. If you have more than one child, “open the floor” to questions but make sure everyone has the chance to ask something.

When we first started doing this, we went around in a circle, having each of our kids ask a question on their turn. The good side of doing it that way is that it encourages everyone to be thinking. The bad side is (1) that it can kill the momentum of the night if one kid is not feeling particularly thoughtful (everyone will be sitting around waiting for them to come up with something), and (2) that if your kids are competitive (as mine are), they’ll spend more time thinking up a good question for their impending turn than listening to the current discussion. We found the whole night flows better when you simply let everyone throw out questions as they have them. Just make sure that if someone didn’t ask something on their own, you give them the chance to.

 

6. Don’t assume young kids don’t have big questions to ask.

For a while, it was only my twins (age 6) asking questions. My 4-year-old rolled around on the floor, seemingly bored by the more “advanced” conversation going on around her. When I asked her each time if she had a question, she gave me an embarrassed look and said, “Nooo!” She was intimidated by the questions from her older siblings.

But one night she finally spoke up and said she had a question.

“Mommy, why did God create soldiers who kill people?”

I was more than surprised that this was a question on my 4-year-old’s mind (I still don’t know where it came from).

If you have young kids, don’t assume they don’t have big questions. Kids as young as 3 or 4 can benefit from doing this! It might take time for them to speak up, but you just might be surprised how much they’re already thinking.

 

7. When your kids ask a question that the Bible doesn’t clearly answer, be honest about that and use it as a key teaching opportunity.

Quite often, I find myself answering a question with “the Bible doesn’t tell us for sure” or “the Bible doesn’t give us all of the details on that.” For example, my kids often ask questions about heaven—what it will be like, what we’ll be doing, etc. I tell them that the Bible doesn’t give us all the details, and that there are many things like that.

But I don’t like to leave it there. I think it’s an important time to teach them about the three points I described in my post, How to Handle Questions God Didn’t Answer: God’s revelation is not broken, we can trust that God has revealed all we need to know, and it should be our life’s work to understand the answers He has given us.

 

8. When your kids ask a question that’s been a struggle for you personally, tell them as much.

This might sound counter-intuitive, but I actually love when the kids ask something that’s a difficulty in my own faith. As for many people, the problem of suffering in the world has always greatly troubled me. When the kids ask questions on this subject, we discuss free will and its implications, but I’m quick to tell them that this has always been hard for me (and many others) to understand. I explain to them that it’s easy to look at those things and see them as evidence against God. I’m very honest about it. But after I acknowledge that, I use it as a perfect opportunity to talk about how much evidence there is for God and why we are Christians despite those difficulties.

Getting real about your own faith challenges gives you credibility with your kids and helps give them a more realistic understanding of what a living, breathing faith looks like.

 

9. If you miss a week…or two…or three…don’t give up on it.

There was a period of about a month when we got busy and didn’t do our questions night. It would have been easy to let it go at that point. But when we told the kids one evening that it was time to do it again, they cheered and all ran into the living room to sit down. They started waving their hands in the air to be the first to ask something. And we literally couldn’t stop the questions from coming.

After just one month.

Again, they could have asked us those questions at any time. They didn’t need a “questions night.” But in the hustle and bustle of life, those questions often don’t naturally arise. So give it a try in your own family. It could completely transform your kids’ spiritual life.

 

Here’s a challenge to all of you as an easy start toward this. Ask your kids today, “What is one of the biggest questions you have about God, Jesus, or the Bible?” Come back and share what they asked and what happened in your conversation!

 

For more articles like: How to Get Your Kids to Ask More Questions About Their Faith visit Natasha’s site at ChristianMomThoughts.com

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